Saturday, July 16, 2011
I just wonder when my balance will come. I was raised as a dirt poor person, never having a real childhood because my family could not afford it, never having really any fun memories at all. I am now okay with that. Its just so irritating and semi depressing because I have always been poor. Not like poor but like one step up from homeless poor. I have never won at casino's, never any prize contests. My soul almost feels like my path is deprivation and appreciation in the most extremes of circumstances. Sometimes I just don't have money to eat, so I don't eat for a few days. This type of life is really hard on a person who is nothing but a dreamer. I see so many things I COULD be doing and appreciating, but I cant and then reality kicks in and It makes me sad. I don't want money in life. NEVER DID, NEVER WILL. I just want to be able to see those things that I want to do and just be able to do them. NO LIMITATIONS, NO DEPRESSIVE REALITIES. I wish money would just go away completely. It limits me on my potential growth as a person. I guess I am just sad and really overwhelmed. I truly do understand the homeless mentality and the loss/sorrow/struggle/pain/worry/hopelessness that goes along with the concept of MONEY. MONEY FUCKING MONEY FUCKING MONEY! I hate the initial bastard that had to put "WORTH" into peoples head. I'd like to go back to just the mentality of trade.