Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I have always lived my life in fear as a child. Fear of molestation, fear of physical abuse, fear of emotional/psychological abuse, fear of survival and stability. I embodied it into my soul which affected my mind and essentially had negativity in my life. It took me to to where I developed Guillian Barre Syndrom where all my sense of control, humility, pride, arrogance, vanity, selfishness did I realize that it was a root of fear that caused the negativity into my body causing disease and strife. It made life easy to BLAME GOD because why would god do that to a child of innocense? why couldnt he help me when I needed him the most. It was my life lesson being taught in a very elongated process that I could not as a human understand. That not only took my fear away when I was lying in a deathbed on ICU having doctor and doctor saying that IF perchance my lungs and heart don't fail, there would be a probability that I may never be "normal" again. Walking, running, lingering nerve damage causing pain, etc. I am stubborn though. Through getting Guillian Barre, I felt EVERY nerve ending, EVERY blood flow, Every connection of my body. I basically did the same thing the girl in kill bill did when she atrophied AND IT WORKED. It was a slow process but all I knew is If I could move just ONE FINGER, my brain would recognize that. From that point on I decided If I had a fear (within logical reason) I would just replace it with trust in something bigger than myself. If I had a small fear, I CHALLENGED that fear because I trusted I would get through it. Hell, as of now I can walk, I can run, I can do EVERYTHING I could normally do. It was because my mind controled my body and my body responded to my mind and my soul was so strong in that faith they they together made the impossible POSSIBLE. AND I WAS OKAY! I have seen fear in others daily lives whether big nor bad and I will always tell them, fear just lets negative energy come through your pathways in order to manifest like a virus and ruin ALL hope your soul has will for. A man once told me (crazy ass spirtitual trucker guy) that fear is the only way the devil can get you. He cant touch your body and sure the hell has no say in your will, but he has the mind! Thats his loophole, but FAITH always wins and it just pisses him off but he/she/it knows you cant beat will power. Fear not the small things, it makes shit worse when the big shit hits the fan (an it will. Life is a test and thats an aspect of it) but if you collect so much hope, it becomes subconcious that you will make it through whatever it may be, a lesson will be learned, and you will evolve.