So i wonder.

I often wonder what goes on in peoples minds. When someone stares off in space, or is walking around enjoying a beautiful day. The internet is a viable source of finding it out but when was the last time you had a random stranger come up to you and tell you an interesting piece of information that you did not know? It seems like the government has now convinced us that there is a time and place for everything, EVEN OUR THOUGHTS! We turn to communication solely through the internet. When we go out to a social place, we turn to the internet to communicate with the familiar instead of getting to know the unknown that is right in front of our faces. Why is it for so many people to stay inside a bubble rather than to say one simple word that can change your whole existence. That word is HELLO. We wonder why we have so much sorrow, so much solitude, so much anger! The fact is we are so disconnected as a whole that we have lost sight of the importance of life. EACH OTHER! Imagine a life where you could openly talk about things with each other and really connect with someone. Or a life where if your tears show on your face while you were walking down the street, someone would come up and ask you whats wrong and offer a hug and a wise word to leave you to ponder. If we cannot come together, get past the evil in this world and unify, we are weak. We are the beaten slaves our ancestors have produced through greed, gluttony, sloth, anger, revenge, etc. if we cannot be willing to get past our hurt, our own anger, lack of trust, etc and reach out to ANY fellow person around. We have lost LOVE. We no longer exist. Love is a ruling factor of life. Having it or being deprived of it determines a sociological outcome of how successful, how prone we are for disease, how intellectual we can become. If you cant give a sad person walking down the street a hug and a wise word, YOU HAVE NOT FULFILLED YOUR LIFE MISSION. Sometimes it takes baby steps but we are in a world of "leaps and bounds". We are not baby boomers and don't have all the time in the world anymore. As i always say "CARE-BEAR STARE"

Sex and procreation

People say "god made sex for procreation only" and thats great for a select genre of people. Your the breeders of the world. We need that mentality. I like being the opposite of that. I WILL NEVER PROCREATE. Until we fix our own selves and this precious world that we all are taking our sweet time to fix, how could i ever thinking about leaving someone else to take care of it. We have plenty enough people in this world. Were not rare lions or something. I get the blessing of JUST focusing on two things. Myseld AND EVERYONE. Gay people are here to help fix what has been broken for quite some time due to greed, sloth, gluttony, anger, revenge, vanity, and lust. Yes some of us gays get lost in some of those things as well. Society hasn't been to LOVING or kind. When an animal gets beat for a long time mentally or physically it tends to learn aggressive behavior as a defense mechanism. It hurts to be hurt. No one in their semi sane mind wants that.. I think that no matter what, if you cant practice "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." to EVERYONE in your life INCLUDING YOURSELF, you should NOT procreate. Its just selfish any other way.

I just dont understand

Ive always been the type of guy that lights up a room with energy and laughter. People like me cuz im nice and fun and outgoing and on top of that i make them think. Challenge their mind for their self growth and purpose. The past 6 months though it has become slowly different. I have become reclusive. Not only because of financial reasons but also because i have wanted to. My mind is bringing up feelings of worthlessness and sorrow. Little things like well you dont deserve to go out, or you will never find the love of your life because you are a piece of shit and don't deserve to be loved like that. Your ugly and scrawny, balding, and dying. Why would anyone want to invest time with you unless its just to fuck you. It almost seems like my mind is starting to damn my soul. Of course i dont want to think this way, i dont want to be that person but how do i tell myself that its not true and believe it? Its really sad and irritating because i am a strong person. I dont cry, i pick myself up and figure out solutions to scenarios and i grow from them. I have cried so much these past few months and im now in a rut i feel like is becoming a cycle of insanity and im just so worm out from it all. I thought my soul was sick and tired when i lived in arizona but its like moving to california and dealing with deprivation over and over time after time has just enhanced everything I've always felt my whole life from Bieng told these things repetitively. I feel weak and i don't like it because since i was 21 all i did time and time again was fought death because i wanted to live, and more and more its becoming the opposite was around. God give me the strength to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference! Help me lord! Please save my soul from the devils in my mind because i know i should feel love, if not from any other person in this world, i should feel it from you but i dont. I feel a void in my soul god that only you can fill! Will you help me god? Will you open my blinded eyes and teach this fool your wisdom!? I need you so much right now! This very moment, and from this day forward!