Thursday, August 25, 2011
So, last night as I was walking home from a friends I had bought a 40 of corona that I was going to go home and drink before going to bed because I got a job doing some construction work. So I'm walking down the street talking to a friend from high school about some issues she was going through and giving advice and I walk past the bar that I live by and there is this black guy shouting at the top of his lungs at this little guy and being all irritating. So I just stop and see whats going to happen because I have a very curious nature and I personally like seeing others drama (I thank society for that due to many hours of watching violent things on tv because of a lack of parental supervision). So anyways, this guy walks in the street like he is about to go to his car and then comes back and shoves this guy into the wall against the bar and I immediately should "what the fuck man, don't do that shit" so he comes over to me and says "fuck you, you want a piece of me too" (now I so hate that tough guy bullshit stupid ass ignorant talk so that pissed me off. Hes like "you dont want to fuck with me, I'll burn you" (he had a smoke he was smoking as did I) so I was like "bitch I got a 40 in my hand that Ill crack on your fucking skull and burn you back" lol. I was raised in the ghetto so you have to excuse me. Immediately he cracked me in the skull and I am guessing it knocked me down (I didnt think that until today when I woke up my butt was bruised, wrists are sore to the point of its really hard even typing this) I took my 40 (normally if a 40 is in a bag and you want to use it as a weapon, you do a double wrap with the bag around the wrist, grab the base and uppercut or backhand) but I didnt have that position so i ended up swinging the 40 and it broke the bag and the 40 went splashing down in the road (another irritation cuz im poor as hell and that bitch cost like 4 dollars) So I am like fuck this ill just call the cops and get your black ass arrested instead of fighting you back. Im over this dumb shit. So he tries grabbing my IPHONE (a very good reason I am poor. sorry verizon but you cost to damn much for unlimited shit) and I immediately grab it like its my dick and start dialing 911. He tried bashing it into a light pole and only slightly dinged it with paint (thank god cuz iphones are fucking expensive to replace) and I call the cops and he splits. (no comment but insert comment if you wish). So the cop gets there and I tell him the story and all that and they ask if I want to press charges and of course I say yes. This is the only time I have been hit since like 4th grade! even then I don't think I was hit, I just beat some guys ass by putting him in a headlock. Other than that, I'm a hippie. Peace. Love. Harmony. End war, Make love, smoke weed type guy. Not a Im a barbaric idiot that has no intellectual capacity to resolve conflicts with communication and understanding so ill just pound your face type guy. I freaking hate those type of guys. I just think its funny though because there were witnesses out there that kept on telling me how brave I was to defend a man I didn't even know and how that was an act of bravery and they all wanted to buy me drinks because I was sad about my 40. (still kind of mourning the loss of the 4 dollar 40 but I replaced it with another one so actually it just became an 8 dollar 40) anyways but I honestly don't think it was heroic or brave or anything like that. To me, if I was the person who was getting shoved up against a wall, I know I would have wanted someone to try to stop the guy that was doing it to me if the guy was bigger. Thats it. That and maybe parial insanity cuz I'm very tra la la with a quick to react mentality. I dont know. I think the whole thing was funny and stupid. BUT my buttbone hurts, my jaw is throbbing, I am all migrainey and my wrist hurts and ibuprofen isnt helping so I'm taking my ass to the hospital. Fuck the dumb shit. So ya... thats my story I'm sticking to it :-) PEACE!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
So, I finally decided to check out this church that offers meals called Christ United Methodist Church. It's located at 3295 Meade Avenue in San Diego California. They have meals Monday through Friday from 5pm-7pm for homeless/low income families that places like VONS/Jack-In-The-Box and other various places donate food/supplies too. Let me tell you that was the best free meal I have EVER had. I am in a place right now to where I am barely able to make ends meet so maybe I am just EXTRA appreciative of this service that was offered, but the meal consisted of a ham/cheese type keish with a crumb topping, vegetable soup, spinach salad, and a fruit parfait that was just amazing as well. So, I decided that I should offer my services in helping clean up after everyone left and I did so. By the way, the people there are really nice people, very social and talkative. There was even a lady who brought her dog in because she had found him left in a shopping cart half starved and obviously abused so she decided to take him into her home and give him a loving home. These are the type of people I met today. Anyways, There is one guy that is a cook and a lady that serves the food to people and another kid who is apparently 18 years old and I sensed mentally challenged. I kind of think the cook and the lady are as well (I sense these things pretty well being mentally challenged myself in some ways as well as having been around this classification of people for most of my life). The lady and the man started talking after the kid had left because he had a curfew of being home by dark (another two and two i put together with my awesome handivision) and were discussing how sometimes this kid only did half assed things and it really didn't help so they were thinking of asking him NOT to come back and help because it only made more work for them. Now, I do understand that mentality because (I think they had OCD issures, not 100 percent so don't quote me) I have that type of tendency myself. HOWEVER, my thoughts are this sweet little kid who was really nice and had good manners is volunteering to help these people with the kindness of his heart and soul. THAT RIGHT THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL! To me, I don't understand saying to a person "I don't want your help because its not helping". I personally say, HELP ALL YOU WANT, and if its not dont my way, I just go and backtrack to get things done my way. There are so many selfish, ungrateful people in this world that don't want to help anyone that if they DO SHOW AN ACTIVE INTEREST IN HELPING HUMANITY, SUPPORT IT AT ALL COSTS! Apparently I am going back tommorrow cuz they were pleased with my help, but I am going to have a little talk with them on this subject. I don't judge them as a person because they also are really nice people doing a very nice cause for the community, but I am a blunt person that has to speak my mind whenever I feel my mind should speak. All in all, this is a wonderful place with a wonderful community doing a wonderful thing with awesome food! God bless that church and everyone in it. ALL CHURCHES SHOULD BE LIKE THIS! The world would no longer hunger if that was the case!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I know I don't talk a lot about my feelings or experiences in life because a lot of people frankly don't want to hear it, or so I have come to believe. I figured I would express it now. At least some of it. When I was 19 and my friend had told me to go hitchhiking, I did so. I up and left everything and everyone I knew on a journey that I was not sure I would come back from. I left without any fear because it was an adventure to me. It was new and fresh. I didn't think of things like how am I going to eat, where will I sleep, what if I die. It was my first real feeling of GOD being present in my life and I didn't even know it until the end of my journey hitchhiking. I remember as I walked from El Paso, TX to Anthony, NM in order to get my stuff that was stolen from me that I had acquired through hitchhiking, I felt so exhausted and hungry and hot and thirsty and yet I kept walking and walking for what seemed like an eternity. I never felt alone though. I always kind of knew that GOD was walking with me and felt like we just were doing it together. I felt that mainly because of the couple that brought me back to El Paso in the first place talking all the way from KC Missouri to El Paso about the bible and GOD and the Devil so I'm sure it was fresh in my mind. Regardless, I felt it and I trusted it. I loved the concept of. Shortly afterwards, I became completely paralyzed and rather quickly. I went into ICU and the doctors weren't hopeful that I would survive and said that even if I did that there might be a possibility that I never fully come out of the paralysis. I remember the day or two before I snapped out of it very clearly. I had closed my eyes to go to sleep and I saw my dead friend (the one who told me I should hitchhike in the first place) and he was standing in front of me, just hovering and smiling and told me that it was ok if I wanted to go. That it's nothing to fear. There will be no more pain or sorrow and then a white hand reached out in front of him. I remember wanting SOOO bad to go. To leave all the pain behind but as I went and reached out my hand I smelt the sense of roses and then saw pictures of mountains that I have never seen and flashes of acres of different colored flowers and then people I had never met and I knew my choice right then. It was to live with the pain of life because I knew that with all that pain I would have to go through, I would be on that adventure once again to see those mountains, to meet those people, and smell those flowers. Through my life I have outlived some people that should have outlived me. I have been told by many of doctors that they don't understand why I am still alive. Even down to a month or two ago my doctor saying in all the years he has been a doctor he has never seen a person with such a high viral load and not be sick or even dead. The only thing I can come up with that makes sense is that I CHOOSE TO LIVE. EVERYDAY! I don't want to die, so I don't. I'm not scared to die at all. I know that once I do die, all my pain will just disappear. God told me so a long time ago and I trusted that and I still do, but I would rather HURT EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE dealing with emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental pain than to give up on this adventure. I CANT GIVE UP! This lifetime is so blessed in so many ways for me to be like I am done. I want to live until GOD says "I'm sorry jason, you just cannot live another day. I wish you could but it's your time as well as everyone elses". Until that day comes, no matter how sick I am, no matter how much I am in pain, no matter how tired and weak I become. I will live. I will never complain about it either because not only am I tough, I am blessed! I don't know the reasoning for me telling all this but it just came to me in my head and I figured I would share it with the world. I love this fucking world! As crazy and insane as it is, as sad as it sometimes makes me. I love it! I am glad to be a part of it, and I wouldn't trade my experiences in it for anything else. Thank you GOD for giving me a choice to live in it. Amen!