Church

So last night I went to this little Pentecostal church that is right down the street from me. I wasn't going to because I had gone to the doctors and hadn't eaten all day and was kind of hungry but it was literally 730p when I walked past the church on my route home and I was like Okay it wont hurt to just go. I get in there and its just maybe 7 people besides myself (pastor/wife included) and they start praising. Now it just think its funny when people say hallelujah over and over like a broken record. So I was holding in some giggles and just trying to focus on my own prayer to god while they did that for what seemed to be a good 15 minutes. We finally got down to it and he started talking different scriptures about jews and stuff. Didn't really pay attention to it too much, I was having my own conversations with god. Then they started talking about there not being a holy trinity. That jesus was in fact god and that grabbed my attention. So I listened again. The way they were talking about jesus though, it scared me. They made it sound like jesus was like a demon to be exorcized. They also started talking about speaking in tongue (that right there just reminds me of harry potter) so I am like OMG did I just join team slytherine BUT NOOOOOOO I'm team griffindor. I always knew instinctively that the devil ruled the tongue, hense blasphemers, but when I heard that I was like this is too wierd and culty for me. I love my god, i worship my god, but if I get an eery presence around me feeling like this isnt right. I just cannot be there any longer. I respect your beliefs Pentacostal religion, but I do not agree. I found out last night I was NOT that. I then started to wonder.... what if I got baptized in all the religions you can get baptized in. I mean, the root is love so it wouldn't be a bad thing I guess. I am trying to dedicate my life to you GOD, and only you. I guess my first mission in life is to understand the differences in religion and how its ok because as twisted as it may seem, they only intend to have good intentions. They want love, and to know how to love. They are human.

emo KINDA poetry

I see the light,
radiating like the sun.
I know it exists and is the kindle of my existence.
My hope, my dreams, my love, my reason.
In order to know the light,
I must know the dark.
Such a lonesome path,
hopelessness, sorrow, inadequacy, stress, emotionless, drained.
My karma is my balance
When can they merge?
Is there ever balance?
Energy is not fluent, yet extreme.
I am an angel.
I am a devil.
When will this purgatory happen so I can just wait?
No angel, not devil, no ups, no downs.
Just a feeling of content awaiting an answer
I show my love to others.
Hugs, love, laughter, light, life.
I just want the same for me as well.
I feel so solitary in this world.
My other angels have not found me.
I NEED YOU! I WANT YOU! PLEASE COME SOON!

LOVE

Why is love in so important to people? People put way too much focus on it as a basis of NEED. Like the studies that have been conducted on babies where one was just given the basics in life and left alone, and another was nurtured. The baby in solitude had a lowered immune system/IQ, where the one that was nurtured had a higher level of those. BUT was it love? I think its more the connection. A person in solitude cannot establish the connection between others which our body innately knows we need. I feel love EVERYWHERE. I don't personally need it from one specific person. I get it from the trees, I get it from the air, the clouds, the ocean, from EVERYONE I meet in life. I have never questioned that. I talk to the trees and get a sense of them waving their leaves hi back to me. I feel the air flowing through my body saying I love you, therefore I give you life. I look at the clouds and notice the beauty of the different formations and just thank them for gathering enough moisture and producing rain that also gives me life. I am loved everywhere I go. YOU are loved everywhere you go. I think people just create their own idealistic expectation that they need it in human form. I do agree that people do need to be touched and hugged. It creates that sensation of safety and reassurance, but I think if people were so LESS dependant on giving it that much focus and just KNOW that it exists, the energy could be put elsewhere to be utilized in a positive way. Eiher way. I have questioned the concept "what is love" best way i can describe just happens to be in the bible. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4" if you memorize that and tell yourself that everyday, it becomes a habit to always think like that. It alters the way you make decisions and life truly becomes simpler.

Psychic Mind

I went to the beach today and felt like I embodied the natural energy the water sends to us. I oddly some how feel really psyhically in tune with nature and the universe. Its something you cannot explain to see nothing but energy. No images of reality, no feelings. It almost makes you feel like your being lifted above the ground. I sensed that that energy the ocean gave to me as I talked to the waters. I felt like it gave me questions and answers. One that specifically came to mind was a receptor that is linked brain activity wise in the mind. Why don't we try a way of pinpointing that receptor and find herbs that activate that specific realm of the brain. A muscle will grow when used frequently. Why cant we find a way to ALWAYS have that psychic portion of our brain activated at all times. The trees will tell their stories, the waters will warn of danger. I think if you don't constantly talk to nature and ask it things, nature will concider you a virus. If you ask for their understanding, they will find a way to put the energy into your brain to let you understand. I love the ability to talk to nature. You can call me crazy, but nature puts information in my head because it knows I will communicate them. Give me a disorder psychology fans, but its something you have too, you just never tried because you don't want to be labeled. Also, lately I have been having these feelings of energy again that hoover around individuals. I had that as a kid when I was young. I could tell a good or a bad person by a color they had around their physical body. Not a thick color. Almost like a light layer of skin. I lost that because I embraced trauma and felt I needed to create a wall of protection from the world around me. I feel like I am now letting myself break down that wall and ready to shine it brightly. People have been taking notice too in subtle ways.I feel like I am going to see angels and demons soon in peoples souls. Just an instinct, maybe a disorder but I BET I WILL KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU INSTINCTIVELY.