Bigotry in the states

Its been a while since ive posted a blog but found it compelling to discuss a video i saw on youtube. The video Link is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2n7vSPwhSU&sns=em

The pastor gave a solution of getting rid of gay and lesbians similar to methods that of hitlers concentration camps for jews in the past. Here is an email i sent in response to their statement. I am a gay man btw that is baptized methodist and raised pagan/agnostic. And have analyzed similarities as well as differences in religions and mentally highlighted on the aspects of LOVE that comes from ALL religions

I just watched a youtube video that was uploaded with a sermon your pastor charles worley expressed about what to do with homosexuals and was extremely disturbed about his solution. In his statement he suggests rounding up gays and lesbians surrounded with an electric fence to let them die off. Im wondering how you can claim that to be godly in any way shape or form. Your preaching of a method similar to adolf hitlers solution of jews through concentration camps. That shows a blasphemous tongue. In john 4:8 it states "god is love." and in corinthians states the definition of love. You pastor might be skipping the true message from god and replacing it with personal judgements. But it specifically states THOU SHALL NOT KILL. Now i am not fueled with hateful resentments toward you or your church. My only intention is to inform you the aspects of the bible you are neglecting through blind hate. I understand that the generation your pastor is from is a generation of destruction and segregation, lack of knowledge and hate. But if you have any sense of technology you would know that your generation is dying off and so is the teaching of your hateful parents. This is a time of love, unity, progression, and transformation and one day soon you will be judged yourself what is in your heart and if it is filled will hate, you will know gods wrath. May god have mercy on that pastors soul.

If You would like to voice your thoughts and opinions to the church here is the info

Address
Providence Road Baptist Church
3283 Providence Mill Rd
Maiden, NC 28650
Telephone#: 828-428-2518
Fax#: 828-428-3358

Mailing Address
P.O. Box 507
Maiden, NC 28650
Contact List
Pastor Charles L. Worley
email: pastor@prbcnc.com
Missions Director
email: missions@prbcnc.com
Missionary Pastor
email: pastorvictor@prbcnc.com
Youth Director
email: youth@prbcnc.com
Secretary
email: secretary@prbcnc.com

Valentines Day

Today is a special day. To me it has always been a day to enlighten me on the independant nature i have. A day of self awareness that i do not need one special person to share my life with. Today some people are lonely. Wishing they had someone to show them romance and love. Some people have a dysfunctional love and will be beaten when all they want is for that love. Some will have the best days of their lives and possibly be proposed to. Whether you are sad and lonely, beaten and alone even though you are with someone, or its the happiest day in your life, just know that GOD loves you and thats all that really matters in this day and age. A man/woman can give you sexual/emotional satisfaction but when your spiritually satisfied it completes you in ALL aspects. Let this day bring you all the love and joy in the world and even if you are alone today just know that God loves you AND SO DO I! Chin up!

Who am i to judge?

When i look at a homeless person many things go in my mind. How did they get there? By choice? Are they on drugs? Mentally disabled? I wonder how long? Who have they met? How long have they been like this? Out of all the answers i get from that type of people the only thing i will judge is am i safe? Most of the time YES is the answer. You can tell by the stories they tell, the way they present themselves, the look in their eyes. We all have our story that just wants to be heard. To tell people of our pain and reach out to those who might be similar in experience to give advice so they might not have to go through the same pain. So who am i to assume that just by looking at someone, they choose it? They are addicts? Who am i to think why should i help them? I would just enable them to keep doing drugs or creating an unsafe world for others. I know personally thats not the case. I have known a girl for 10 years or more that has been homeless for most of it. Yes she is mentally disabled but would she hurt ANYONE? NO! Shes funny, outgoing, and a pleasure to be around but her dream is to be homeless around the united states. Shes a gypsy like personality. People always say for homeless people to "get a job". Well its society that enforces us to enslave ourselves like that due to corporate greed. Its innate for us to think of it like that. There are some people out there that think, if i didnt have my job i would have nothing. Wouldnt it be the balance for another person to say i never want to work? People are stuck on those two factors and make judgements based on that which doesnt allow for them to think "well since a person likes to obsessively work, it would be okay not to have to for others". But then its not fair right? WRONG. Through the programming we have endured we have to realize that we are all extremists in one way or another. We so want a "moderate balance" to life we are unwilling to realize we are on another level now. "extreme balance". For what one homeless person CANT or is unable to do, there are extreme people that take pleasure in doing two mens jobs. And if the balance falls short, WE HAVE MACHINES! There is plenty of junk in this world, plenty of food, and plenty of water for any one of us to never have to work if we dont want to, but we are taught to judge from a very early age. Thats fine. Its how humans survive, but we dont have to stigmatize people based on those judgements because "what goes up, must come down". Life has given us tools to look past our judgements if we choose to see it.

It sucks that i think im going to hell

I don't believe EVERYTHING the bible has in it because it was interpreted by man and man is imperfect, but there are things in it that "make sense" to be. The definition of LOVE, for one has been the truest definition out there. I know, i always question peoples definition because its jaded from life. Another is GOD IS LOVE! I know that because i have seen god on various occasions through near death/death experiences and is was, well, all i can say was it was a pure, refreshing, happy feeling each time. BUT i know i will go to hell. I have always chosen to be gay. Ive never envisioned my life with man or woman. Ever since i first heard about GOD, that was the life i envisioned. Through molestation, beatings, lack of love, verbal abuse, etc that i endured i turned away because i didn't think if god loved me like that it would be my life path. I turned to witchcraft for a long time in my teens and was an angry child that did many drugs. That was innate for me. Soon after i found out my mom was a witch as well. In fact most my family are. They just didnt have the internal anger i did. Soon after i was kicked out of my moms for doing drugs, i went and lived with my aunt who was a drunkard. She would bring home parties and i would sleep with men. Ironically i have always been attracted to men slightly older than me with muscular build. That was the same qualities the person in my childhood that molested me had. After a while it became habit, them it became perversion. I told myself if i had a fantasy i would fulfill it. And i did. (no worries people nothing like kids or rape or weird stuff like that). I have been a drunkard, an adulterer, a thief, a liar, a con artist, a homo, a witch, , a slanderer, a blasphemer. I have had moments of lust, vanity, anger, revenge, sloth, gluttony, and pride. I have had EVERYTHING, the bible said is wrong. Thank god never murder though. So even when i asked god for forgiveness through baptism, i know he wanted too, but i am not! I just hope that god is indeed love, and love is patient and kind. Because i really do try to be a loving person. I try to encourage peoples dreams. I try to encourage myself to help end suffering as much as i can. If i am warm, and someone else is freezing. I will take their place and freeze so they may have warmth. If someone needs an ear and a hug because they are sad, i will do both and try my best to make them at least end up with a smile. Thats what makes me happy. I dont know if its my way of asking god for forgiveness in hopes that he will but it feels right to me so i go with it. I vowed this year to become celibate and well last time it went a year and a half so thats my thing to god for this year. To give up sexual compulsions. I know when i did it before i gained a ton of respect for myself. Now I'm doing it for god. I don't want love from a guy or a girl or anything. Id just be okay with gods love. They say it is better to loved before than to never have loved at all and i think people take that out of context because i have loved so many people in this life, but i have never had romantic love. Thats not why i was born. My love goes to humanity as a whole. It cannot be consumed by just one person.

So i wonder.

I often wonder what goes on in peoples minds. When someone stares off in space, or is walking around enjoying a beautiful day. The internet is a viable source of finding it out but when was the last time you had a random stranger come up to you and tell you an interesting piece of information that you did not know? It seems like the government has now convinced us that there is a time and place for everything, EVEN OUR THOUGHTS! We turn to communication solely through the internet. When we go out to a social place, we turn to the internet to communicate with the familiar instead of getting to know the unknown that is right in front of our faces. Why is it for so many people to stay inside a bubble rather than to say one simple word that can change your whole existence. That word is HELLO. We wonder why we have so much sorrow, so much solitude, so much anger! The fact is we are so disconnected as a whole that we have lost sight of the importance of life. EACH OTHER! Imagine a life where you could openly talk about things with each other and really connect with someone. Or a life where if your tears show on your face while you were walking down the street, someone would come up and ask you whats wrong and offer a hug and a wise word to leave you to ponder. If we cannot come together, get past the evil in this world and unify, we are weak. We are the beaten slaves our ancestors have produced through greed, gluttony, sloth, anger, revenge, etc. if we cannot be willing to get past our hurt, our own anger, lack of trust, etc and reach out to ANY fellow person around. We have lost LOVE. We no longer exist. Love is a ruling factor of life. Having it or being deprived of it determines a sociological outcome of how successful, how prone we are for disease, how intellectual we can become. If you cant give a sad person walking down the street a hug and a wise word, YOU HAVE NOT FULFILLED YOUR LIFE MISSION. Sometimes it takes baby steps but we are in a world of "leaps and bounds". We are not baby boomers and don't have all the time in the world anymore. As i always say "CARE-BEAR STARE"

Sex and procreation

People say "god made sex for procreation only" and thats great for a select genre of people. Your the breeders of the world. We need that mentality. I like being the opposite of that. I WILL NEVER PROCREATE. Until we fix our own selves and this precious world that we all are taking our sweet time to fix, how could i ever thinking about leaving someone else to take care of it. We have plenty enough people in this world. Were not rare lions or something. I get the blessing of JUST focusing on two things. Myseld AND EVERYONE. Gay people are here to help fix what has been broken for quite some time due to greed, sloth, gluttony, anger, revenge, vanity, and lust. Yes some of us gays get lost in some of those things as well. Society hasn't been to LOVING or kind. When an animal gets beat for a long time mentally or physically it tends to learn aggressive behavior as a defense mechanism. It hurts to be hurt. No one in their semi sane mind wants that.. I think that no matter what, if you cant practice "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." to EVERYONE in your life INCLUDING YOURSELF, you should NOT procreate. Its just selfish any other way.

I just dont understand

Ive always been the type of guy that lights up a room with energy and laughter. People like me cuz im nice and fun and outgoing and on top of that i make them think. Challenge their mind for their self growth and purpose. The past 6 months though it has become slowly different. I have become reclusive. Not only because of financial reasons but also because i have wanted to. My mind is bringing up feelings of worthlessness and sorrow. Little things like well you dont deserve to go out, or you will never find the love of your life because you are a piece of shit and don't deserve to be loved like that. Your ugly and scrawny, balding, and dying. Why would anyone want to invest time with you unless its just to fuck you. It almost seems like my mind is starting to damn my soul. Of course i dont want to think this way, i dont want to be that person but how do i tell myself that its not true and believe it? Its really sad and irritating because i am a strong person. I dont cry, i pick myself up and figure out solutions to scenarios and i grow from them. I have cried so much these past few months and im now in a rut i feel like is becoming a cycle of insanity and im just so worm out from it all. I thought my soul was sick and tired when i lived in arizona but its like moving to california and dealing with deprivation over and over time after time has just enhanced everything I've always felt my whole life from Bieng told these things repetitively. I feel weak and i don't like it because since i was 21 all i did time and time again was fought death because i wanted to live, and more and more its becoming the opposite was around. God give me the strength to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference! Help me lord! Please save my soul from the devils in my mind because i know i should feel love, if not from any other person in this world, i should feel it from you but i dont. I feel a void in my soul god that only you can fill! Will you help me god? Will you open my blinded eyes and teach this fool your wisdom!? I need you so much right now! This very moment, and from this day forward!