Depths of sorrow, torture and pain.
Sadness grows with materials gain.
Carelessness, anarchy, and corporate greed.
Thousands are dying and many in need
You are to fat to plant that seed
You bitch and complain whine and need
Up on your couch as you feed.
Get up off your ass and help someone out
Or shut your fucking trap
So we can help someone else

Grr

The anger inside me,
Continues to grow.
I keep it inside so nobody knows.
Its growing so much that i scream and i scream,
Someone please help me,
Im really not mean.
Im lost and confused and have no way
I really need help like today.
But you do not see me and don't even care
You shove me aside like I'm not even there
The world around me continues to grow
But the world inside i just don't know
Im lonely, depressed, angry and sad
The world around me just makes me so mad
There will be a day when you must explain
How u didn't help the fellow man in pain.

Funny shit

Gay movies crack me up. If its not xxx porn its a story about a white closeted guy who runs into a feminine ethnic gay and they get to know each other and casually have sex. Next thing u know they are together bit oh no. They must struggle with coming to terms with homosexuality which inevitably is a close call downward spiral to ending the relationship. They split yet yearn. They closet guy sees him and says that he wants him no matter what it takes and they live happily ever after and thats it cuz bitches cant marry. But im like oh yah i cant even count how many times thats happened to me.
I just dont get. I had this guy ask me online to bareback him. If you dont know its sex without a condom. Hes like but i wanna feel your "you know" inside. Hes like i wanna hurry up and get hiv so i dont fear it anymore. I was like you dirty whore what the fuck. It made me sad, i mean this is the kinda prince charming lined up for my dream date. Yay me.
Thats a lot of the reason why I've never had a boyfriend. Not that i don't want one but like Cher from clueless says "you know how picky i aam about my shoes and they only go on my feet" same applies here. I don't like sassy bottoms and the muscle men i like im too insecure for. So i stay alone which im cool with.

I am lost

Since coming back to san diego i have felt so lost that i dont know what i am to do. I know a lot has to do with the guilt of getting drunk and losing my nanas rosary. Its consuming me. Altho i think maybe that cross was only meant to symbolize the end of an addiction. Each time i think of drinking i see the cross and my heart breaks all over again. It should be a blessing but that comes with a bitter sorrow. I think of why i came here in the first place. To finish my website and start this business. Granted i know that it would benifit many people but its also selfish because i know i would gain material posessions. Im not supposed to have material items though. I have always been a materialless person in a material world. Its kinda like how i know my life is not meant to love another person intimately as well. I am supposed to know the sorrow without love and a life without things. Im thinking maybe i should just go back to tucson and live in a homeless shelter. I could still work on my website which still have tons of work and people will still use it (i hope) but i could also be with my family. I miss the love of my gramma. The earthliness of my auntie. The conradary of my sister and the friendships of my cousins. I want my niece and nephews to have an uncle. As much of a lack of inspiration i am to people. I still feel i have an impact on their existance. I wish god would give me answers but my god has never worked that way. I was given free will and he just wants to kick back and see what i become (or dont become). I really hope next month the world ends. I am really tired. More so my soul than my body, even tho thats pretty worn too. I dont think the end of the world will happen tho. If the bible contains the truth then everyone is putting faith in nostradamus as well as the myans which duh would be false prophets. God says he will come and steal you like a theif in the night and no man shall predict his coming. I have a feeling thats true. I just want to find HOME and go there. My soul has been lost way too long.

Why do i think the way i do

All my life ive been able to tell people about theirselves. People dont believe me (and thats fine, but i dont lie so thats all that matters to me) but when i was a kid i grew pure white long curles and i would see colorful energies that hovered around every person. I would not go with peoples and theow tantums if forced. As i got older i started learning to tell personality traits in people based on their voice and body language. I could tell based on what i already knew from other personality traits that i met in past that i could put a general understanding of what they might have gone through
And then just had general convo until i proved it right. Now in my older years, i still get a feeling about people on an energy level but i dont see auras. When i meet people i get their birthdays, once i know their personality characteristics through their sun, moon, venus, mercury, mars, etc. i can pretty much tell a good basis on everything about them. Its wierd to me that people dont think like this. Like just the simple thing like if i person looks down or away it means a few things. They have something to hide, or they are scared or nervous. Their personality traits would be unable to love unconditionally or possible abuse in the past they have not dealt with. . Anyways, ive been wanted to explain for a long time just the liitle simple aspect in the complexity of my mind. I thank god ALL the time for this gift. Cuz im 100 percent in belief that it is a gift from god. Hes given me the ability to let the people i encounter know that we all are connected and that its ok to let people in and its the purpose of life to work on how to do that. Every person i have met in life has had a feeling of separation. Many dont know how to connect. They have never been taught or just the fact that thats societies goal in general. I try let people know its cool if you wanna connect with me cuz i know im not god and i dont do that judgement shit. Its not my place. I think im a pretty fuuny, corny, smart, nice kinda guy. I just like to be nice to others cuz its cool when people are nice back. Anyways. That is all for now. You kinda know how i think (trust me my mind is far more complex tgan that though)

Bigotry in the states

Its been a while since ive posted a blog but found it compelling to discuss a video i saw on youtube. The video Link is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2n7vSPwhSU&sns=em

The pastor gave a solution of getting rid of gay and lesbians similar to methods that of hitlers concentration camps for jews in the past. Here is an email i sent in response to their statement. I am a gay man btw that is baptized methodist and raised pagan/agnostic. And have analyzed similarities as well as differences in religions and mentally highlighted on the aspects of LOVE that comes from ALL religions

I just watched a youtube video that was uploaded with a sermon your pastor charles worley expressed about what to do with homosexuals and was extremely disturbed about his solution. In his statement he suggests rounding up gays and lesbians surrounded with an electric fence to let them die off. Im wondering how you can claim that to be godly in any way shape or form. Your preaching of a method similar to adolf hitlers solution of jews through concentration camps. That shows a blasphemous tongue. In john 4:8 it states "god is love." and in corinthians states the definition of love. You pastor might be skipping the true message from god and replacing it with personal judgements. But it specifically states THOU SHALL NOT KILL. Now i am not fueled with hateful resentments toward you or your church. My only intention is to inform you the aspects of the bible you are neglecting through blind hate. I understand that the generation your pastor is from is a generation of destruction and segregation, lack of knowledge and hate. But if you have any sense of technology you would know that your generation is dying off and so is the teaching of your hateful parents. This is a time of love, unity, progression, and transformation and one day soon you will be judged yourself what is in your heart and if it is filled will hate, you will know gods wrath. May god have mercy on that pastors soul.

If You would like to voice your thoughts and opinions to the church here is the info

Address
Providence Road Baptist Church
3283 Providence Mill Rd
Maiden, NC 28650
Telephone#: 828-428-2518
Fax#: 828-428-3358

Mailing Address
P.O. Box 507
Maiden, NC 28650
Contact List
Pastor Charles L. Worley
email: pastor@prbcnc.com
Missions Director
email: missions@prbcnc.com
Missionary Pastor
email: pastorvictor@prbcnc.com
Youth Director
email: youth@prbcnc.com
Secretary
email: secretary@prbcnc.com

Valentines Day

Today is a special day. To me it has always been a day to enlighten me on the independant nature i have. A day of self awareness that i do not need one special person to share my life with. Today some people are lonely. Wishing they had someone to show them romance and love. Some people have a dysfunctional love and will be beaten when all they want is for that love. Some will have the best days of their lives and possibly be proposed to. Whether you are sad and lonely, beaten and alone even though you are with someone, or its the happiest day in your life, just know that GOD loves you and thats all that really matters in this day and age. A man/woman can give you sexual/emotional satisfaction but when your spiritually satisfied it completes you in ALL aspects. Let this day bring you all the love and joy in the world and even if you are alone today just know that God loves you AND SO DO I! Chin up!